In the chair at Ray's

Hi Folks!

Looking in the mirror the other day I decided that I was getting a bit shaggy around the ears. Not too long mind you... just enough that it was lookin mussy and unkempt. That hair just wouldn't stay put no matter what I tried. Course I'm not one to use any of those fancy hair gels or spray or stuff so what I tried was pretty limited... water... brush... maybe a little... well you get the idea. Anyway, it was unruly enough that I just hitched up my caboose and headed on down to Ray's Barbershop over on State Street in Biggsbee.

Well ole Ray is the type of barber that don't turn nobody away. You can be bald and Ray will let you climb up into that chair of his and he'll spend at least a half hour fussin over whatever odds and ends you might have left up top there. Well because of this, ole Ray is always pretty busy in that shop of his. There's almost never an empty chair by the window... course he's got a big screen TV situated on the wall just where folks can see it from there so that might explain some of that. But the rest of the chairs in the shop are always pretty full as well. I don't mind though ifn I have to sit facing the street. Just sittin there listenin to the folks sitting in that chair is always a revelation. You think you know folks but some of the stories... well it just makes you wonder sometimes.

As I took my seat to wait that day, Ollie Johnston was in Ray's chair. Ollie is one of Ray's follicle challenged customers... just has a band of hair running smack dab around the side and down the back... not a lick of hair anywhere on top. When the lights hit Ollie's head you best be wearin sunglasses is all I gotta say about that. But that didn't matter none to Ray. He stood there with them scissors just trimmin and cuttin as though Ollie had a head of hair as thick as a Snert in shearing season. I suppose he enjoys a good story as much as the rest of us. Ollie sure was talkin... I imagine that Ray just wanted to hear the whole thing.

Seems Ollie's wife, Clara, had come down with a case of the grip. She was doing real poorly for awhile... couldn't even lift her head off the pillow for at least three days. Well Ollie thought he'd be the conscientious husband and help around the house... do the housework while she was down for the count. He hunted around the house until he found the closet where the vacuum cleaner was kept. Didn't take much more than an hour or so... Mind you, Ollie normally didn't take much notice of those things. So an hour was probably pretty short considering everything.

Well Ollie lugged that thing out of that closet and down to the living room where he got it all set up to clean the rug. That rug was Clara's pride and joy... passed down through her family from grandmother to mother and then to her. She took real good care of it... kept it clean and looking almost new even after all the years of wear and tear it'd seen. So it was real nice of Ollie to go ahead and take care of it for her. Trouble is Ollie probably'd never ever touched that vacuum before except maybe to buy it. And he'd never been real good at buying new stuff. You might say Ollie was a little tight with money…figured that if something was still running there was no need to replace it. Same thing with that vacuum... he'd bought it a good twenty years ago when technology wasn't quite what it is today. It still worked...sort of... Clara made do... knew all the ins and outs... knew what worked and what didn't... knew that the on and exhaust buttons somehow had gotten reversed at the repair shop ten years ago... the last time it'd been fixed.

Course Ollie didn't know none of that. He just pulled that vacuum out... plugged it in... and hit the on button as he stood there in the middle of Clara's prized rug. That thing started spewin dirt and dust and whatever else Clara had vacuumed in the last week and hadn't had time to clean out yet what with the grip and all. Ollie was just dumbfounded. Stood there staring as that stuff just sprayed all over the rug... and the rest of the room while it was at it. When he finally recovered from surprise... shock is what I'd call it... he dropped to his knees trying to find the off button in the middle of a cloud the size of a Straightback Wartlebeast. Course he didn't know that the off button was one of the things that repair shop couldn't fix. The only way to turn it off was to pull the cord out of the wall. Ollie just knelt there hittin that button as hard as he could 'til he was covered from head to toe with all that stuff coming out of the vacuum. It was quite a relief when that thing suddenly just quit. He just sat back on the rug as the dirt and dust settled all around mighty relieved... that is until he looked up and saw Clara standing by the wall with the plug in her hand.

Well Ollie looked at her, then the rug, then at her as she stood there just bouncin that plug up and down in her hands... she just gave him a look that'd stop a Bull Nargle dead in its tracks... said it was all he could do to stay put. He pleaded his case... or at least he tried to. All that dirt and dust on her prized rug spoke a lot louder than anything he could've said. He told Ray that he decided right there and then to treat that rug to a professional cleaning. Yes sirree... rolled it right up and took it straightaway to Ahmed Zandi's rug shop on the corner of 3rd and Maple. Figured he get Clara a new vacuum cleaner while he was at it... right after he got his trim at Ray's of course. Couldn't understand why that woman would want a new one when she had one that was perfectly serviceable... once you knew its quirks b-u-t just to keep the peace he'd get her one of those fancy new ones that practically vacuumed the floor all by itself.

What with Ollie talkin and a chair by the window opening up I didn't mind the wait. Got to watch the Bulls play the Slougton Roosters... or at least a few innings before it was my turn in Ray's chair. All trimmed up now... good for another couple weeks at the least... that's more than I can say for Ollie. Hope he found a good vacuum... maybe Clara will let him back in the house...

Anyways that's it for now. 'Til next time. Jon